My roommates are leaving our house and they’re leaving without me.
It was a hard truth to come to terms with, that somewhere along the way they determined we were no longer compatible. I haven’t rustled up the courage to ask them exactly why, but I hope to be able to ask those hard questions soon. For now, the end of our lease is looming on me, so we get to the complicated task of moving.
Today, having asked about their move-out date (mid-June), it really dawned on me that I had two pressing tasks that took precedence this weekend over any kind of big vacation or barbecue: (1) We need to get the place ready for potential tenants to see it, and (2) I need to clean up the things in my room and our basement in a crazy way.
So, here’s what I’ve managed to do so far in the last two days:
- I started on the basement and and recycled a full recycling bin’s worth of materials, reducing 1 big tub, and a couple of bags and bins into transportable plastic bags of materials. Then, I put those materials in my car to transport to the office, where they belong.
- I cleaned our toilet, bathroom walls and the sink/counter area (it took three ~*~MAGIC ERASERS~*~).
- I gathered up a full garbage bag of clothes (nice clothes) that I no longer wear and need to go somewhere else.
- I investigated how to become better certified for my job.
- I graduated from grad school! :D
- I made a list of common household items that need to be purchased soon and put it on the fridge.
- I figured out our past-due water bill and told my roommates how much we each owe so we can mail it in ASAP.
- I have 3 loads of laundry in various states of the traditional laundry queue downstairs.
There are a few more things for me to do: my taxes, install the A/C unit because it is relentlessly hot where I live, cook and freeze the greens I bought at the market today, return a pair of shoes and a dress that I’m not going to keep from a store, unfuck tomorrow morning’s bikram yoga indulgence so I can finally start feeling like I’m exercising, and clean the tub/shower curtains.
This is progress, though! This is good progress and I am glad I am making it. Even a little bit of progress is good progress. Gotta keep trucking.
It is time!
(FYI: Invoking the Rafiki voice for that title.)
Once a year, for a couple of days when my roommates aren’t home, I open up all of the windows and doors in the house and let the fresh new air come in. Today is that day. Rowhomes were built for aircondition-less times, and if you can get all of the avenues to the outside open, then you can really get some lovely cross breezes.
Coincidentally, it is also a UFyH challenge day (YES!!!), so I am going to continue the great progress from yesterday (all of the laundry, and the hand washing, and a bunch of 20/10s all over the house) and Get This Shit Done. Hopefully I will remember to take pictures, too!
I’ll come back at the end of the day with a list of things I unfucked. Go, go Gadget (Late) Spring Cleaning!!
So! I got myself one of those Chains accounts, and started a Team UfYH group! So far I see a couple of people have joined and we’ve got some great chains going. Yay! Today I get to cross off my very first 100% Unfucked Morning, of which I am super proud.
In the meantime, I just wanted to share a resource I found with the Team, just another perspective on what we’re setting out to do for ourselves.
Penelope Trunk, the mind behind Brazen Careerist, writes a pretty interesting autobiographical advice column-esque blog that covers topics from your career to family to romance, etc. A couple of her posts have been really helpful to me over the years, among them the one that confirms willpower is a myth: ”It turns out that we only have very little [willpower], and we cannot be demanding it of ourselves all day long because that would exhaust our supply and make us nuts.”
We of Team UfYH know this, and know it well. So, it’s probably no surprise that the 20/10s, routine bedmaking and pushing ourselves to unfucking tomorrow morning are all actions that fit under different columns on her shortlist for real things to put in place of this mythical willpower:
- Keeping a rigid schedule. For example, every morning making the bed when you get up, and getting up every morning at the same time. I’ve made myself a promise that at 7:00pm every day I’m going to do one 45/15 of office work (except for Saturdays), and at 9:00pm every night I’m going to unfuck tomorrow no matter what (except for Saturdays). It’s the beginning of my “rigid schedule.”
- Use “If, then” thinking. This ties into what our ringmaster was talking about earlier: if I have taken off my shoes, then I will put them where they belong; if I have produced trash, then I will place it in the correct receptacle. Penelope talks about it in terms of crucial events, e.g. “If it is evening, then the pigs come in.” For Team UfYH, “If it is an unreasonable hour, then I should go to bed.”
- Finally, we should make accurate personal assessments. I know that turning on my personal laptop when I get home, or choosing to sit (read as: lie down) on my bed instead of in a chair downstairs means I have willingly signed away at least an hour or two of valuable work time. The internet is my timesink and I haven’t developed the willpower to not hop straight into it. Penelope talks about being attracted to quick fixes rather than long-term solutions (preaching, choir, etc.), and that she knows she’s going to be more likely to give up on something that takes time to establish than something that’s an instant win. This is super valuable to know about yourself! All these little things help us make better decisions about what’s really going to stick. A false sense of self can be incredibly damaging to progress, although I feel like we all sort of know that, since we’ve sought out this community.
Anyway. I wanted to share her blog with you, if anything. I don’t always agree with Penelope Trunk, but her posts always make me think, and give me insight into the “business” way of thinking, which is something I don’t really have, personally.
Hope everyone’s made good progress today!
UPDATE!
I have completed 6 of the 10 big projects I have left! I am SO EXCITED.
Four more to go, and a few of them are partially completed with just a bunch of formatting/justifying things left. Gonna 45/15 it all the way to the finish line.
2.8 assignments, 4 loads of laundry (3 put away), and 1 grocery shopping trip to the farmer’s market already unfucked today!
This is a big hill I’m climbing up today: I have 3 more very sizable assignments, in addition to 4 HUGE PROJECTS for my thesis that I have to finish. The 45/15 has been my godsend today. It is just the right amount of time for me to spend in one place doing one thing, and just the right amount of break so that I take a breather but don’t relax too much. I’m so grateful to UFyH. I’m not sure I’d be gaining ground without this community and guidance. Thank you.
Can’t wait to tell you I’m FINISHED! Soon! Soon.
MADE MY BED
On to the next few tasks!
Things That Do Not Belong In My Car
- Trash
- Clothes that belong to me
- Clothes that belong to other people
- Directions to many, many places on the backs of various pieces of paper
- 1 quart of Olive Oil
- Two bagels (onion and pumpernickel; oh, the smell)
- More trash
- An empty Pellegrino bottle
- Teaching materials
- Prescriptions (filled, no worries)
- Shoes and two shoe boxes
- A little yellow bucket
- TRAAAAAASH
- Mail
- A half-filled thing of hand sanitizer
- A box of recycling
- Leaves
- A Christmas present from two years ago
- End-of-year business closeout materials
- Phone accessories
- A membership card for Sephora
- Lots of fucking trash
Things that do belong in my car: Insurance card, owners manual, first aid kit, flashlight, window scraper, emergency shovel and sand, one trash bag, phone charger. Woo!
Also, I found the number to a therapist! So I called him! Yes, I did! I conscripted a friend in my unfucking adventure to keep me on track and she’s been tasked with asking me every time she sees me or talks to me whether or not I have called a therapist and I finally get to tell her YES.
His practice was full, but he referred me to another person and the website Psychology Today, through which you can search for therapists. Good to know!
Otherwise, I have been very unproductive today, mostly because I read some triggering material and got triggered, to no one’s surprise. That did me in for the day. I have since deescalated and regained some composure, so I’m hoping to get back to some gentle unfucking this evening, as well as packing for my trip home to see my family for Easter (I leave Thursday). What have we learned from this experience? Well, to really take trigger warnings a little more seriously, and also that a car is not the best place in which to store olive oil.
You know how Unfucking’s a constant thing you’re supposed to do every single day?
Yeah, that’s. That’s kind of hard even three months in.
Ah, well. Flat surfaces, right? Flat surfaces. Okay.
Back into the fray I go!
Check that flat surface out! Again, no before picture here because I didn’t even think about it — I was so focused on the unfucking part that I just barreled through to the results. If you really want to see a before, there’s one in my intro post, which is one giant mess of a fucked up habitat.
I feel so good about the progress I’ve made! There is still a solid 4” layer of crap all over parts of my floor, and tons of boxes and invisible (hahaha, “invisible”) corners to go through before I’m finished, but I’m thinking differently. I’m thinking about packing for my trip this weekend to go see a concert down south with a friend, and I’m thinking about packing for my trip home to see my family for Easter, and I’m thinking about my move this July out of this house and into a new one. More than that, I’m thinking about what I’m going to pack and how I’m going to pack it.
For years, years, I have been a still-shoving-things-in-bags-three-hours-before-the-plane-takes-off packer. Going to college, I ended up packing what I thought I needed into two huge duffle bags and five cardboard boxes, starting at 2:00am before my 6:45am flight. THE HORROR. That freshman who basically brought nothing useful and had to purchase everything all over again? That was me. I’ve kept an online journal of some sort since I was fourteen, and in every single one the “I hate packing” tag is extensively and routinely used.
Things are gonna be different this time. For this weekend, I need to bring a bunch of materials and electronics so I can continue to do work while I’m crashing at my friend’s house. I’m already thinking about the logistics of putting this into my backpack, so I can just carry that around the public transit and not worry about dragging around more than I need (but also not leaving anything at home). I’m super excited that I’m already basically planning this out! :D
This is such a huge deal; I never do this. I have never done this. It feels so good. Thanks, UfYH. Fuck, this is awesome.
And now: my to-do list for work. I’ve already started and I’m one 20/10 in! HERE I GO.
Here is the unfucked dresser!!! No before picture because I forgot, but check out that flat surface! The two small green boxes are for beauty products and makeup, and the big blue bin is to collect things for work. All three will get used as I unfuck other flat surfaces in the room. The striped box in the back is full of cards for birthdays and thank yous (a Christmas gift from my mom two years ago finally being used).
Last flat surface cleaning project for today is the desk and it’s chair, so I can work at it and do my grad school/reports. Wow, six hours of unfucking around here and there’s still so far to go. But this is progress! Legit progress. This thing used to be covered in papers and broken earrings and a full load of laundry as well as everything you see there now, so. Good work. Go team!
And now, dinner: sautéed arugula and salmon. Mmmmm, Paleo diet.
